Like A Thousand Quotes

Forgive me if the first five to six are repeats. I had deja vu while writing some of these.

"They say you should take two steps forward and one step back. That's what I did in the last week. Except I took an extra step back. Then I kind of moved to the side a little. Life is a square dance. And all the men merely...dancers."
-Andy

"Part of being a boss is recognizing talent- including your own."
-Michael

"So you are Regional Manager and Assistant Regional Manager. Andy is your 'Number Two.' I am Secret Assistant Regional manager."
-Pam, to Michael

"Today is the Dundies, the annual employee awards night...it's everyone's favorite day....These guys in here don't get a lot of trophies. Like Kevin. Who's going to give Kevin an award? Dunkin' Donuts?"
-Michael

"Legend has it that a beet of purest gold sometimes grows in the fields of little boys who work double shifts."
-Dwight

"This is exactly what Michael Moore does...he goes up to people with a camera and he's like 'Why did you do this?'...It's very dramatic. Although, I can't say I was a big fan of Bowling for Columbine, because...I thought it was going to be a bowling movie. Like Kingpin."
-Michael

"We know how he died. Flying into the glass doors....I don't think he was being stupid. I think he just really, really wanted to come inside our building. To spread his cheer and lift our spirits with a song."
-Pam, at an office funeral for a bird.

"When I'm playing hoops, all the stress and responsibility of my position melt away. In the zone. It's zen. It's physical....Who am I? I don't know. A basketball machine. What is Dunder-Mifflin? Never heard of it. Filing? Paperwork? Who cares."
-Michael

"You should be able to sell a lot here. This branch grossed over a million last year. Not that we're all millionaires, of course....I'm probably closest."
-Michael

"There are five stages to grief...and it's my job to try to get them all the way through to acceptance. And if not acceptance, then just depression. If I can get them depressed, then I'll have done my job."
-Michael

"The Dundies are like a car wreck where you want to look away, but you have to stare at it because your boss is making you."
-Pam

"There's no such thing as an inappropriate joke...that's why they're jokes."
-Michael

"Why does everything I think about women turn out to be the opposite of what is going on? Is that why they call them 'the opposite sex?'"
-Michael

"I look forward to performance reviews. I did the youth beauty pageant circuit and I enjoyed that quite a bit. I enjoy being judged. I believe I stand up to even severe scrutiny."
-Angela

"I live in a nine-bedroom farmhouse. I have my own crossbow range...it's a perfect situation for me. Although two bathrooms would have been nice, since I only have one, and it's under the porch."
-Dwight

"Okay, motivational dance contest, everybody!...Sometimes you have to take a break from being the kind of boss that's always trying to teach people things. Drive points home. Sometimes you just have to be the boss of dancing."
-Michael

"Without a doubt, coffee is the single best incentivisor for an office. The secret is that it's quite literally a drug that speeds people up. It's not the only one. You hear stories... in the '80s when people didn't know how bad cocaine was. Man did they move paper!"
-Michael

"I found Dwight's wallet in the parking lot...I'm trying to figure out what the right move is. Tear everything up? Buy him a horse on the Internet?"
-Jim

"It hasn't always been easy being a whistle-blower. When I was younger, the other kids would call me 'tattletale' or 'squealer' or 'worm.' Everyone hated me. I really identify with those ladies at Enron. I wrote to them to tell them how much I admire them, but they never wrote back. I guess they're all married."
-Dwight

"It's clear to me now. They only loved me when I was strong and walking around....That is so prejudiced. What kind of boss am I if I've raised such an insensitive group?"
-Michael

"Michael sometimes gets easily distracted when he has to do...work. Timecards...purchase orders...expense reports....Once a year, they all fall on the same Friday. That's today. I call it 'The Perfect Storm.'
-Pam

"When I die I want to be frozen. And if they have to freeze me in pieces, so be it. I will wake up stronger than ever, because I will have used that time to figure out exactly why I died and what moves I could have used to defend myself better now that I know what hold he had me in."
-Dwight

"I daydream about getting back at him, but in ways that would just get me arrested."
-Jim, about Dwight

"We are doing this for charity...I consider myself a great philanderer...and I know at the end of the day I can look in the mirror and say, 'Michael, tonight because of you some little kid in the Congo has a belly full of rice this evening.' Plus, it's tax deductible."
-Michael

Whew, that took way loner than I expected. That teaches me to stay more on top of these.

Adieu, Adios, Ciao, and Das Vadanya

KKras