Quotes Galore

Okay, okay, cool your guns, ThatsWhatSheSaid... I'm sorry I've been so slackerish about posting the quotes. I was just in a sort of depression, one may say, but now that the strike is over, I will be more diligent about posting. I'm sorry.

"What do we know about this bird? You might think, not much... but we do know some things. We know it was a local bird. Maybe it's the same bird that surprised Oscar that one morning with a special present from above."
-Michael, at an office funeral for a bird

"I'm a provider for my workers, i.e., family. I give them mone... I give them food- not directly, mostly through money. And I heal them. I'm in charge of picking a great new health care plan... Does that make me their doctor? In a way. Like a specialist."
-Michael

"If I left, what would I do with all this useless information in my head, you know? Tonnage price of manila folders, Pam's favorite flavor of yogurt, which is mixed berry."
-Jim

"'Hug it out, bitch.'...That is what men say to each other after a fight....Not a good idea to say to a woman however, I have found. It doesn't translate."
-Michael, embracing Dwight

"Pam and I are buddies....I'm kind of her go-to guy when she's having problems...with work, or her fiancee, ... or, well, those are pretty much her two problems."
-Jim

"That is offensive. Indians do not eat monkey brains....And if they do, sign me up. Because I am sure that they are very tasty and nutritional."
-Michael

"It's a real shame...but studies show that employees get more information about their company from water-cooler gossip than from official memos. This puts me at a disadvantage because: I bring my own water to work."
-Dwight

"I love ladies. Always have. You know what my favorite part of a woman's body is? The brains. Because a woman is not beautiful unless she is smart. Also, the brains are what tell the heart to do freaky, nasty stuff in bed."
-Michael

"Movie Monday started with training videos, but we went through those pretty fast. Then we watched a medical video. Since then, it's been half-hour installments of various movies, with the exception of an episode of Entourage, which Michael made us watch six times."
-Pam

And finally, today's...
"Jan is...professional, which is a metaphor for cold. We make a good team, like Lenny and Squiggy. Except I'm like Lenny and Squiggy, and she's like a stone."
-Michael

KKras